Claiming that enough time had surely passed since they last
caused a global economic meltdown, top executives from the U.S. financial
sector told reporters Monday that they are just about ready to completely
destroy the world again.
Representatives from all major banking and investment
institutions cited recent increases in consumer spending, rebounding home
prices, and a stabilizing unemployment rate as confirmation that the time had
once again come to inflict another round of catastrophic financial losses on
individuals and businesses worldwide.
“It’s been about five or six years since we last crippled
every major market on the planet, so it seems like the time is right for us to
get back out there and start ruining the lives of billions of people again,”
said Goldman Sachs CEO Lloyd Blankfein. “We gave it some time and let everyone
get a little comfortable, and now we’re looking to get back on the old horse,
shatter some consumer confidence, and flat-out kill any optimism for a stable
global economy for years to come….”
Think that’s about as perfect as the Onion gets? Wait…wait…there’s more at http://www.theonion.com/articles/financial-sector-thinks-its-about-ready-to-ruin-wo,32865/
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