From The Onion: A new report from the U.S. Small Business
Administration reveals that being consumed by flames poses an even greater risk
to small companies than originally thought, typically causing ruinous
insolvency within the first six hours of conflagration. “The data we’ve
gathered reveals a consistent pattern of business failure shortly after the
start of a fire, which can lead both to inventory problems and a difficulty
attracting customers, who, quite frankly, do not wish to step into a retail
location that is currently ablaze,” said SBA administrator Karen Mills, whose
staff inspected dozens of flaming businesses in preparing the report.
“For
example, a small family-run electronics store in a downtown location with
thick, choking smoke raging through its aisles is going to be hard-pressed to
compete with the big box stores that have highly competitive prices and aren’t
on fire.” The report noted that fires have less of an effect on Internet
retailers, whose customers continue to shop online even as their houses burn
down around them...
